So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
