I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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