Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
