My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
