And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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