Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
its liver damage thursday
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