i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
