i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
