so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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