I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
