hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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