go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
