We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
