just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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