How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
