i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
