It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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