Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He has the fingertips of a God
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