Just fell off a train. Bad.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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