I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
