I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize