Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just cropdusted the office
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize