Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
