this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
