Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
