Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
