She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize