What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
