please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
