do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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