just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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