Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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