Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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