High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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