My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
