cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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