I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize