P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
