Are we in a gay sports bar?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize