What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
