Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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