Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize