If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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