Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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