I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Vodka?
Forever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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