First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My life is pants optional.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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