you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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