The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
being pregnant is like rehab
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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