Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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