I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
