from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
