I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
