I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize