Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
