STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
