That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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