Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
