he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Randomize
