Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
