I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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