I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
