This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
