it hurts more in the daytime
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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