Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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