dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
