In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
