she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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