ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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