hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
