Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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