you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
God, I missed his penis.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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