I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
