Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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