Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
