He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I know her cup size but not her name....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
