Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
