its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
did i walk over a car last night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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