so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
