can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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