I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize