when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
