i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
