jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
