Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
