Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
