I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
