the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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