My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
