how can u be prego again
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
