You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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