there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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